When you are balanced in life, your relationship thrives in the light of happiness. Extremes, on the other hand, are detrimental and don’t allow relationships to grow and thrive. When it comes to how to fix a marriage, finding a balance somewhere in the middle is absolutely necessary. There is no such thing as being perfectly balanced in your life all the time, but you can strive to cross over that middle threshold as often as possible. If you hardly cross it, you’ll hardly have lasting happiness. But the more often you cross it, the more you and your spouse will love each other.
To explain balance, let’s look at the issue of sexual relationships. If people live a celibate lifestyle, they abstain from any sexual relation. If people live a profligate lifestyle, they shamelessly indulge in sexual relations with no restraint. Both lifestyles are extreme and detrimental, right?
What lifestyle would destroy the world if everyone lived it – celibacy or profligacy? The answer is that they both would! If no one had sex, there would be no births. The human race with it’s billions of people would be extinct in about 100 years. If everyone had sex with anyone and everyone they saw, diseases would infect the whole human race and result in pain and suffering, and would kill us all faster than we could be cured.
The balance of the two lifestyles lies in a legal and lawful marriage, where couples cultivate their sexual relation with true love and fidelity to their spouse. In marriage, you are neither profligate nor celibate, but are balanced. This is the balance that allows mankind to keep populating the human race, and to do it in the most beneficial, healthy and moral manner possible. Both celibacy and profligacy are extreme lifestyles. Remember, extremes are detrimental.
Another example explaining balance is how much sleep you have. Your body and mind require sleep to function properly and to be healthy. Studies have shown that if you have too much sleep, you’ll experience very similar symptoms as those you get when you have too little sleep. You’ll experience
Difficulty falling asleep
Waking during the night
Waking up to early
Not feeling refreshed after waking
Daytime sleepiness
Researches have found that 7-8 hours of sleep each night at the appropriate timeframe is the optimal amount of sleep your body needs. This is the balance between extremes which allows you to function properly the following day.
Another example has to do with how much electromagnetic radiation (or light) from the Sun is let through the Earth’s atmosphere. The atmosphere is crucial to us in that it repels, absorbs and allows entrance of certain frequencies and wavelengths of light. What would happen if the atmosphere blocked out all light from the Sun? What would happen if it didn’t block out any light? Which scenario would kill us? They both would. If there is no light, vegetation would cease and we’d starve, along with being really, really cold. If there is too much light, we’d cook like steak. The extremes in both scenarios are detrimental and would kill us all. But the atmosphere allows just the right amount of light to enter, thus balancing out the extremes and allowing us to grow and thrive.
The same goes with marriage happiness. For happiness to grow and thrive, you need balance in your life. What are some extremes that deprive you of happy marriage? A couple may be your perceptions and expectations of life, yourself and your spouse. If your perceptions are extreme – out of this world or non-existent – you’re in for deceit, heartache and misery. If your expectations are extreme – too high or too low – you’re in for frustration, discouragement and despair.
The key to balancing your perceptions lies in seeing things as they really are and accepting them. See and accept that marriage life is not perfect, neither are those involved in it. Things don’t always go according to plan. Good and bad things happen to all people. When you see things as they really are, your power to make wise and beneficial choices is increased. Your judgment is enhanced. You keep things in proportion. You don’t take things too far. Seeing things as they really are and accepting them allows you to cross the threshold of balance often.
The key to balancing your expectations lies in reevaluating and changing them when they need it. When your expectations are extreme in that they are too low or too high, they’ll end up hurting you as well as your spouse who you love. Lasting marital happiness and peace lies right in the middle where balance is.
Why are extreme expectations detrimental? On one hand, trying to fulfill them is very overwhelming and you can end up completely drained and unhealthy. On the other hand, when they’re not met, you beat yourself up (mentally, emotionally or physically), you get more and more frustrated, discouraged, angry or sad, and you hurt other people.
Your expectations might include
You being perfect in every way
Having total honesty and loyalty from a new friend
Receiving praise and glory from someone that you did something nice for
Getting sympathy from those around you because you had a horrible accident
Things to never go right in life
Your spouse never keeping his/her promises
You never getting better at learning a skill
One more common extreme in life that I want to describe has to do with paying bills. If you’re constantly worrying about bills, you’ll get discouraged and unhappy. But if you’re never concerned about paying them (and paying on time), you’ll end up getting in trouble with your creditors and having a bunch of stressful legal issues. What do you do to get rid of each extreme? Be concerned with paying your bills on time, but don’t constantly worry about them.
So what can you do to know how to fix marriage problems?
Make a list of your expectations about life, yourself and your spouse on a piece of paper. Go on, try it out. See if they are extreme – too high or too low. If they are, fix them – raise or lower them. There’s a common mistake people make while doing this. No need to worry, it’s normal and we all do it occasionally. It is that you might go from one extreme to another. For instance, you might go from expecting perfection to expecting nothing at all. Both are harmful and lead to marital problems, and even divorce. But somewhere in between is where you want to be, where your expectation is not too high or too low. You’ll find happiness and a loving relationship in the middle.
If you have too high expectations, lower them. If you lower them too much, raise them. If they’re still too high, lower them again but not as much as before. Reevaluating your expectations enough times will give you a sense of where the middle balance is. It’s impossible to land in the absolute middle, but you can cross it often. The more you cross it, the happier your marriage will be.
Balance – A Key Factor In How To Fix A Marriage
When you are balanced in life, your relationship thrives in the light of happiness. Extremes, on the other hand, are detrimental and don’t allow relationships to grow and thrive. When it comes to how to fix a marriage, finding a balance somewhere in the middle is absolutely necessary. There is no such thing as being perfectly balanced in your life all the time, but you can strive to cross over that middle threshold as often as possible. If you hardly cross it, you’ll hardly have lasting happiness. But the more often you cross it, the more you and your spouse will love each other.
To explain balance, let’s look at the issue of sexual relationships. If people live a celibate lifestyle, they abstain from any sexual relation. If people live a profligate lifestyle, they shamelessly indulge in sexual relations with no restraint. Both lifestyles are extreme and detrimental, right?
What lifestyle would destroy the world if everyone lived it – celibacy or profligacy? The answer is that they both would! If no one had sex, there would be no births. The human race with it’s billions of people would be extinct in about 100 years. If everyone had sex with anyone and everyone they saw, diseases would infect the whole human race and result in pain and suffering, and would kill us all faster than we could be cured.
The balance of the two lifestyles lies in a legal and lawful marriage, where couples cultivate their sexual relation with true love and fidelity to their spouse. In marriage, you are neither profligate nor celibate, but are balanced. This is the balance that allows mankind to keep populating the human race, and to do it in the most beneficial, healthy and moral manner possible. Both celibacy and profligacy are extreme lifestyles. Remember, extremes are detrimental.
Another example explaining balance is how much sleep you have. Your body and mind require sleep to function properly and to be healthy. Studies have shown that if you have too much sleep, you’ll experience very similar symptoms as those you get when you have too little sleep. You’ll experience
Researches have found that 7-8 hours of sleep each night at the appropriate timeframe is the optimal amount of sleep your body needs. This is the balance between extremes which allows you to function properly the following day.
Another example has to do with how much electromagnetic radiation (or light) from the Sun is let through the Earth’s atmosphere. The atmosphere is crucial to us in that it repels, absorbs and allows entrance of certain frequencies and wavelengths of light. What would happen if the atmosphere blocked out all light from the Sun? What would happen if it didn’t block out any light? Which scenario would kill us? They both would. If there is no light, vegetation would cease and we’d starve, along with being really, really cold. If there is too much light, we’d cook like steak. The extremes in both scenarios are detrimental and would kill us all. But the atmosphere allows just the right amount of light to enter, thus balancing out the extremes and allowing us to grow and thrive.
The same goes with marriage happiness. For happiness to grow and thrive, you need balance in your life. What are some extremes that deprive you of happy marriage? A couple may be your perceptions and expectations of life, yourself and your spouse. If your perceptions are extreme – out of this world or non-existent – you’re in for deceit, heartache and misery. If your expectations are extreme – too high or too low – you’re in for frustration, discouragement and despair.
The key to balancing your perceptions lies in seeing things as they really are and accepting them. See and accept that marriage life is not perfect, neither are those involved in it. Things don’t always go according to plan. Good and bad things happen to all people. When you see things as they really are, your power to make wise and beneficial choices is increased. Your judgment is enhanced. You keep things in proportion. You don’t take things too far. Seeing things as they really are and accepting them allows you to cross the threshold of balance often.
The key to balancing your expectations lies in reevaluating and changing them when they need it. When your expectations are extreme in that they are too low or too high, they’ll end up hurting you as well as your spouse who you love. Lasting marital happiness and peace lies right in the middle where balance is.
Why are extreme expectations detrimental? On one hand, trying to fulfill them is very overwhelming and you can end up completely drained and unhealthy. On the other hand, when they’re not met, you beat yourself up (mentally, emotionally or physically), you get more and more frustrated, discouraged, angry or sad, and you hurt other people.
Your expectations might include
One more common extreme in life that I want to describe has to do with paying bills. If you’re constantly worrying about bills, you’ll get discouraged and unhappy. But if you’re never concerned about paying them (and paying on time), you’ll end up getting in trouble with your creditors and having a bunch of stressful legal issues. What do you do to get rid of each extreme? Be concerned with paying your bills on time, but don’t constantly worry about them.
So what can you do to know how to fix marriage problems?
Make a list of your expectations about life, yourself and your spouse on a piece of paper. Go on, try it out. See if they are extreme – too high or too low. If they are, fix them – raise or lower them. There’s a common mistake people make while doing this. No need to worry, it’s normal and we all do it occasionally. It is that you might go from one extreme to another. For instance, you might go from expecting perfection to expecting nothing at all. Both are harmful and lead to marital problems, and even divorce. But somewhere in between is where you want to be, where your expectation is not too high or too low. You’ll find happiness and a loving relationship in the middle.
If you have too high expectations, lower them. If you lower them too much, raise them. If they’re still too high, lower them again but not as much as before. Reevaluating your expectations enough times will give you a sense of where the middle balance is. It’s impossible to land in the absolute middle, but you can cross it often. The more you cross it, the happier your marriage will be.